Cathartic, maybe…..but healthy……absolutely yes! Crying not only releases us emotionally, it assists in lowering our blood pressure, cleansing our tear ducts and relieving our stress. Not being able to release your emotions through crying may cause you to feel emotionally unmoved and even angry. Public displays of emotions are often taboo in some cultures, while widely accepted in others. As American's we're often made to feel that tears are a sign of weakness, meant only to be shown/shared in privacy. Within reason, most of us maintain our composure when our emotions try to surface saving our tears for later. While that may be a more appropriate decision based upon the situation, it may do us good to just let go and let the flood gates roll.
As a parent of three (now adult) sons, I often heard the old cliché, "boys don't cry". Not only did that statement mystify me, it frightened me that men were thought to be less manly because they had or showed their emotions. If they got mad and demonstrated anger, that seemed acceptable; but cry….no way. Don't you just wonder who in the world came up with that statement (boys don't cry)? For females, as well, crying is thought to show emotional instability, a weakness in character versus a tender heart or a sensitive response. Maybe it's because we (society) just aren't sure what to do with a crying individual. Do we tell them to stop, that it's going to be okay or do we just let them cry. The problem is there isn't a one answer fits all response.
So when is crying healthy and how long should it last? And exactly what causes us to cry? Is it just an emotional response or a trigger from some past memory banked deep inside of us? When does crying become a red flag, crying out for some deeper reason? Here's what I've learned about crying and when it might just need more attention than a hanky can give it:
*Continues beyond a particular situation - If you find yourself crying continuously, perhaps even off and on for days, then you might just be crying for more than what seems obvious. Crying is an emotional release, but continuous crying can be related to depression, hormonal imbalance and deep seeded memories that need to be brought to the surface for counseling and treatment.
*Easily provoked – If you're crying over spilled milk and a pile of dishes in the sink maybe there's more than just the overload of your daily life getting to you. Feelings of being overwhelmed or being "stuck" in a situation often relieve themselves through our tears. Find someone to talk to (a friend, counselor, clergy) who will just listen and maybe offer some wisdom to help you see past your circumstances.
*Followed by or preceded with emotional highs and lows – One minute you're fine and the next your flood gates are pouring wide open…..and then your fine again. So the cycle begins and you have no idea as to why. If your mood swings back and forth from one end of the pendulum to the other (high to low), that's a big red flag. Some think they're just "emotionally" charged individuals, able to wear their heart on their sleeve. But here's the reason why that might not be working for you; others aren't always certain which end of the pendulum they're dealing with. Finding an emotional balance, one where you can evenly pace your emotions (happy, sad and responsive) helps you to become emotionally balanced. If your emotions are usually preceded or followed with an impulsive reaction (can't help yourself) then you will often find yourself regretting your response. If you can't wait to respond or find that you're always wearing your heart on your sleeve, learn to rein it in and practice waiting before responding. If you find yourself unable to rein in your emotions, seek help through a trained therapist/counselor who can help you identify what's going on.
There's nothing wrong with showing emotions, crying publicly, or having a tender heart. Just make sure you know the difference between having a "moment" versus having a "moment" becoming your way of life. The light at the end of the tunnel may be beckoning you to follow it. Start today by looking for the "light" in your life and seeking the answer through those who are here to help.
Quick tip: There's never any shame in shedding a tear….but there can be great frustration when we're not sure why we're crying. Seek to find the answer today so that you can start enjoying your life, again.
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